Where crazy intersects

I spend a lot of time worrying about other people think and how they will react.

My boss for instance, barely says two words to me all day and when he does it is usaully something like, "Good job. I really appreciate your doing that."

Yet I am convinced he is secretly resentful of me and finds my work to be sub-standard. He just doesn't have the balls to say it to my face and fire me.

I feel bad when I don't go out drinking with my co-workers because I'm afraid they'll think I'm a loser and stop talking to me during work hours. (Who will I share my lunch break with?) But when I don't go out, they just shrug when they see me the next morning and say, "We didn't really expect you to show up anyway."

Then they ask me if I'm hungry and want to join them on their dinner break and I say yes because I AM hungry and because I SHOULD do some socializing even though it costs money.

I think the moral of the thing, which I'm not doing a good job of illustrating, is that by worrying so much about other people's crazy reactions I am ignoring my own crazy thought patterns.

Over analyzation sucks though, because I always come to the conclusion that I shouldn't give a shit, should just mind my own business and do my own thing. I am happily on this track when someone in my life (friend, crazy father, etc.) will give me a reality check in the form of a "you're a really spoiled, selfish, ingrate" speech that will throw me off-kilter.

I'll feel bad about myself, feel resentful towards them, convince myself they are nuts and its psychologically damaging for me to be around them, feel guilt, convince myself that I am crazy for spending so much time thinking about it....

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