Now that I'm grown up I can say, "Fuck" and not get into trouble

What's it like to be a grown up? When I was a kid, I looked forward to the day I turned 18 because it meant that I could move out of my parents' house, make my millions, buy a mansion and a private island and look down my nose at everyone else. I imagined that when I turned 18, I'd automatically learn how to get health insurance and do my taxes. I'd learn what it was I was supposed to look for when buying a new car. I imagined that everyone would automatically treat me differently -- reverently.

Last night I trudged home to find an envelope stuck to my door. Inside was a notice from my landlord that she hadn't gotten my rent for July and to make sure she got it (plus the late fee) or to consider my rental contract terminated. I actually had mailed her the check, but it was late.

Really, this was the last thing I needed to see after a emotionally draining evening of work. Funny thing is, I couldn't even cry about it (and a day I can't cry about something is really A Day). I just put it down on the table and tried to go to sleep. Then I woke up this morning and called the landlady and told her I'd bring the rent, plus the late fee, by.

I feel like I'm living my life in slow motion, with my eyes glazed, totally exhausted and uninteresed. I wonder if this has something to do with the fact that I've stopped writing. Not just on this blog, but in general. I used to write (if you can call it that) for a living, but more importantly I used to write for myself. And most importantly of all, I used to think like a writer. Every situation was funny, or tragic, or poignant. Every situation was somehow worth writing about. What happened? Life?

Is this what it feels like to be a grown up? Cause if so, I'd much rather be a kid again. I know, it's cliche, but there you have it.