This is how my grandma loves

I remember the day Grandma M baked homemade doggie biscuits for Li Po.

Li Po lived with Grandma and Grandpa M from puppy time until the age of 7 or 8. He was a father's day gift for Grandpa, but it was Grandma who took an interest in his upbringing.

Grandma made enough doggie biscuits to fill at least three large tupperware containers with the bone-shaped treats. All natural ingredients.

Grandma was on a mission to have Li Po shed 5lbs.

"Boy, you're such a fat doggie, boy," she'd tell him.

She had him on a strict regimin: He could be no more than 15 lbs. According to a doggie book, this is how much a Lhasa Apso-mix like Li Po is supposed to weigh at most.

As I recall, Li Po was not too impressed by the snacks, the diet or, to be frank, Grandma in general.

Grandma's way of showing affection is to fuss over you until you think your eyes will pop or steam will shoot from your ears.

My brother, in a fit of insubordinate frustration, once swore at her. She dragged him upstairs by the ear and washed his mouth out with soap and water while he screamed.

So Grandma had ideas for Li Po. One of them was that he would look like a show dog. She knew he could never BE a show dog.

"You no can be show dog, you. You not a purebred," she would tell Li Po, at least once a week.

Li Po, by all appearnces, was unoved.

To make him LOOK like a show dog, she patently refused to cut his hair. When it got matted and tangly, she'd haul him into the bathroom, place him on the counter and go at it with the doggie comb and brush.

I think this is how Li Po learned to snarl and bark.

When it was time for a bath, she insisted on following the shampoo directions to the T. If it said soak for 15 minutes, Li Po would shiver in the sink for 15 minutes.

I think this is how he learned to yelp and whine.

Grandma never learned to pet Li Po properly either. If he happened to be near by, she'd pull him--growling--next to her and start slapping at his head. His growl would deepen.

"Grandma, you're HITTING him," I'd say.

But she was oblivious.

"Oh Li Po, why you growl?" she'd ask. "You not a good lap dog, eh, Li Po?"

This is my Grandma.