Big

Li Po has had what some may deem a severe disadvantage to his growth as a sensitive member of the canine community: He's never been properly socialized with other dogs.

Thus, he's never formulated a realistic image of himself as a small, yappy fur ball.

To make matters worse, his first owners, a shrill-voiced 80-year-old woman given to thumping him on the head instead of scratching him behind the ears, always complained that he was too big when he exceeded 15 lbs. She freaked out like he was a St. Bernard if he tipped the scale at 16 lbs. The other owner, a soft-spoken 80-year-old man, took to sneaking tidbits of table food into Li Po's doggie dish to fulfill Li Po's big appetite.

His second set of owners, an absentminded but affectionate middle aged woman and her somewhat frightening mate, let him have an entire couch to himself as a bed.

All of this has led Li Po to the not too far-fetched conclusion that he is a BIG DOG.

That oversized rubber beach ball that's twice the size of his head? He can grapple it, no problem. That 40lb bag of doggie chow? He can finish it in one meal if you'd only let him.

So it would seem that Li Po would be utterly unprepared, then, when one day his new owners dropped him off at his old owners' house for a day. The old owners' neighbor had gotten a new lab-mix pup who was already twice the size of Li Po.

Never you mind. Li Po strode right over to the boundary line and peed in the pup's territory.

Vicious territorial barking commenced on both sides.

Li Po was only saved from certain disaster when the lab's owner came out and temporarily moved the pup to the other end of the yard.

A short term solution. Now Li Po is more convinced than ever that he's the big dog. Why else would they have to remove the other dog from his immediate post?

I am fairly certain that this is the true mentality of a small dog who is sheltered and protected all of his life. Particularly a stinky one, who sits on a couch once and turns it into the house pariah.