Panicking and being pathetic

Chris usually calls me every night, even if we don't have much to say and spend most of the conversation sighing, harumphing and yawning.

Last night he did not call and that thin thread by which I cling to my sanity came that much closer to breaking.

I called my friend Joel. Who did not share my concern and in fact laughed at me.

"Boy, he must give you a lot to cling to if you're this upset when he hasn't called for one night," Joel said. "Do you know how many guys stop calling me?"

And for a good half-hour I thought about that statement. I imagined Chris purposely not calling just to see if I'd overreact exactly like I was. And I got angry.

And I went and sat in front of the TV and embroidered my latest pattern. Chris still didn't call so I got worried that something must have happened to him because if I'm clingy, so is he, damnit!

So I called him again. (We needn't go into how many times since it's already apparent how pathetic I'm becoming).

When that did work, I again contacted Joel who told me to take a swig of something alcoholic and go to sleep cause there's nothing I can do about it anyway. Then he chided me for not having alcohol available. And the emphasis was on me not having alcohol, not the alcohol itself.

I told Joel if he were with me, I'd give in and be a hysterical mess. I was kind of kidding.

Joel said, Aren't you already?

Damn him! Then he offered some sympathy and again told me to go to sleep.

Joel has a way of letting me know that I'm being crazy without telling me I'm crazy and overreacting. It's sort of like one crazy person talking to another crazy person and there's a tone of calm sanity to it that's very effective because it makes sense. So I agreed to go to sleep.

When I woke up Chris had e-mailed me saying his phone ringer wasn't working and he'd just crashed out as soon as he got home and hadn't bothered to call me because he'd gotten my e-mail saying I'd be working late. Just like that.

And I feel so much better now that it's morning. And I don't have a hangover either, so take that, Joel.

I'd also like to point out that I can feel myself turning into one of those typical girls whose life revolves around their boyfriend. And I don't like it. I don't like it at all. I probably deserve all the scorn and gagging this story would engender among the less fucking pathetic.