I do worry

Visited Grampa today. He gave me a guilt trip for not calling earlier, then went on and on about how he needs a caretaker, a senior companion he can talk to, someone who can "stop me from saying these things you don't want me to say."

He'd just come in from mowing the lawn. He was wearing pants held together with safety pins and full of holes. He had on a shirt, tied at the waist, ripped under the arms, and held together with safety pins.

He told me not to worry about him because soon he will be meeting St. Joseph. And he looked pointedly at the ceiling. Meaning heaven.

"Grampa," I said. "Don't you mean you'll be meeting Buddha?"

He paused. "No-o-o. I think it's St. Joseph who waits at the gate and decides who can get in."

"And if you get in you can meet whoever you want?"

"Yeah."

I don't think Grampa is headed for the ceiling any time soon. Despite what he says, he's pretty healthy for his age, and manages to be quite independent despite himself. Even though his kids call him pretty regularly and one of them even cooks for him at least twice a week and handles his bills, and even though he has grandkids flying in from the mainland to spend time with him, he still has the energy to worry about the oil industry.

"Hilo is so behind the times it's not even funny!"

"How is it behind the times?"

"In everything! In every other county they support...not gasoline...what you call the kind car Cousin Jim has?"

"Diesel?"

"Yeah, biodiesel. With the price of gas so expensive I don't see why the county doesn't encourage more biodiesel business. It just doesn't make sense. And every other county has assisted living for the elderly, but no more in Hilo. I need a caretaker."

Then he just looked at me with watery eyes. I wanted to hug him and shake him, promise to stay forever to take care of him and run out the door as fast as I could before he sucked me in to being his caretaker.

"Grampa, sometimes I worry about you," I said, meaning I was worried about myself, about how I would be when I was his age.

"Well, you should," he said.