Ugh. Just fast forward through this scene

I haven't been posting regularly, mostly because I'm miserable. I feel like a sick pup, licking my wounds and unable to communicate what's wrong to the people that could help me. I want to say so much but all that comes out is:

I hate it here.

And that is no help at all in getting me out of this box, this feeling that I keep feeling. Miserable and homesick and all that jazz.

I hate it here.

I want to tell Chris I enjoy the time we get to spend together. I like lying next to him and babbling and having a best friend again to play along with me. I like having someone to spend my days with, even if we aren't doing anything. I miss him when he's gone. I'd probably be miserable missing him if I were back in Hawaii.

But I hate it here.

I hate saying that I hate it here. So negative, so vague, such lazy writing.

I can't even find beauty in the desert. I can't seem to conjure up a feeling of appreciation for the granduer of the rock formations, of the sky, of living in a place with four seasons. I just cannot seem to be impressed. Why am I like this? I refuse to be impressed by this place. Or maybe, more accurately, I'm just not impressed by this place.