Friday, May 13, 2005

Mini adventure

Time for another Chris & Karen Adventure. (*sniff, sniff* it's just not the same without Jake) This time we went to Colorado. I took a whole bunch of pictures but they all looked like this:


Colorado is beautiful in a manly sort of way. Now I know the answer to why did you move to the middle of nowhere? Why, because it's near somewhere. Like Pagosa Springs, Colo. and its world renowned hot springs. As it turns out the hotsprings were a disappointment. See?


Like Chris said, it looks like a Holiday Inn striving to be a Hyatt and certainly doesn't capture the spirit of "healing waters" which is what the Southern Ute tribe originally thought the springs to be.

But we ended up driving all over southern Colorado. (OK, not THAT much, but a lot). More pictures to come later.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

A hint of hope

Today was another one of those horribly hormonal days. I actually cried at work. Sure, I passed it off as allergies (or maybe my co-workers, out of pity, played along) but the tears were dripping. What was I crying about? I don't know. Life. Hating life.

Not even the knitting went well. I had to frog the beanie I was trying to knit. Dropped the tangled yarn in some corner and tried to forget about it.

All the while I thought, I don't want to live like this. I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be depressed. I want another way.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Phew. 3rd post. Maybe the tide is turning after all

I am a broke ass here. My job doesn't pay as much as my job in Hawaii did, and I don't have as sweet of a deal on an apartment and gas here isn't as cheap as I thought it'd be either. ($2.33 a gallon if you must know)

But I do have a TV. A TV Chris found in the "unwanted but useful" bin at his father's condominium in Albuquerque. He brought the TV to me, and I dutifully (OK, gleefully) plugged the sucker in. I haven't invested in cable though, so the only station I can catch is a fairly staticky NBC.

This, said Chris, is reason enough for me to be depressed. Chris tried to sit through the NBC line-up one evening so that we'd have something to chat about when he came to visit. But alas, he could not do it. I can't blame him. There is only so much Law and Order a person can take before his head explodes. Especially when he knows The Daily Show with Jon Stewart is only a few clicks of the remote control away.

In fact, every time Chris has asked me what I am watching on NBC I have answered, "Law and Order."

And it is blatantly apparant that he does not watch that station because he does not ask, "Which one? Criminal Intent? Special Victims Unit? Trial by Jury?"

Ah yes, I am familiar with all three.

There was a time people, I swear, where I was a bookworm. Now I knit and zone out to the background blather of NBC. It placates me to the point that I almost don't here the desperate voice in the back of my mind screaming, This is just a phase right? Oh, God, tell me this is just a phase!

Got to go. "Third Watch" is on.

Ugh. Just fast forward through this scene

I haven't been posting regularly, mostly because I'm miserable. I feel like a sick pup, licking my wounds and unable to communicate what's wrong to the people that could help me. I want to say so much but all that comes out is:

I hate it here.

And that is no help at all in getting me out of this box, this feeling that I keep feeling. Miserable and homesick and all that jazz.

I hate it here.

I want to tell Chris I enjoy the time we get to spend together. I like lying next to him and babbling and having a best friend again to play along with me. I like having someone to spend my days with, even if we aren't doing anything. I miss him when he's gone. I'd probably be miserable missing him if I were back in Hawaii.

But I hate it here.

I hate saying that I hate it here. So negative, so vague, such lazy writing.

I can't even find beauty in the desert. I can't seem to conjure up a feeling of appreciation for the granduer of the rock formations, of the sky, of living in a place with four seasons. I just cannot seem to be impressed. Why am I like this? I refuse to be impressed by this place. Or maybe, more accurately, I'm just not impressed by this place.

Excuse me while I rant

They found the runaway bride in Albuquerque and I can't believe how much coverage this woman is getting. I can understand that people are upset and feel misled, and yes, she did lie to the police but really the whole thing was blown out of proportion. Everyone and their mama is clamoring for this woman to be punished. I think she's already been punished. Honestly, the woman seemed like she was a little fucked up in the head in the first place and couldn't deal with the pressure. (FOURTEEN bridesmaids? eight wedding showers? 800 guests?) Seems like she felt like she was already being punished, thus the extreme reaction. I'm sure she feels stupid, now just get her out of my face and off my television.

Sometimes I wonder what the fuck is wrong with this country. And then I feel guilty because I'm working in an industry that seems to be promoting everything that is wrong with it. This is what happens when you have 24-hour news coverage.

Disclaimer: Since I can't seem to express any opinion without hedging, here I go. I don't have anything against big fancy weddings and I do sympathize with those who were duped by the runaway bride.